Monday, September 1, 2003

Sing with me ee ee ee ee

Dear Friends,

   I hope you are having a fulfilling Labor Day, or "Labour Day," for you lazy Canadians. I only call you lazy because you also skip work on Victoria Day, Canada Day, Remeberence Day, and Boxing Day. Also because you always call in sick on Fridays, and then later that day I see you at Home Depot with your cousin from out of town.  I have much more respect for harder working countries like Japan who consolidate their holidays (i.e. Kinro-Kansha-No-Hi, or Labor Thanksgiving Day.) I have a friend who went there once in February and said they don't even get off early for Lincoln's Birthday. 

   Speaking of upcoming holidays, October 29th is Korean Alphabet Day, as in "Only 58 more shopping days until Korean Alphabet Day!" I think we should have an Alphabet Day, too, primarily because we already have a theme song. It would be a touching show of patriotism to have 15,000 people taking their hats off and singing their ABC's before a baseball game. The great flaw with the English Alphabet Song is that there seems to be some controversy about what the last line is. I learned it as, "Now I know my ABC's, next time won't you sing with me," but some people end it with, "come along and sing with me." If we're going to institute Alphabet Day as a holiday, that's going to have to be standardized. I suggest, "Now I know my ABC's, Sing with meeeeeeeeeee." That should satisfy both parties, because nobody has to add any phrases that make them uncomfortable.

  Now that I think about it, English Alphabet Day might really bring together from all over the world. There are probably at least 100 other countries that use the English alphabet, and many of them don't even speak English! I'm sure they would get behind English Alphabet Day. In fact, I bet we would export a lot of limited edition Red White and Blue Alpha-Bits. 

  The September Hard Taco song is entitled, "Forced to Breed in Captivity." As you can probably surmise from the title, it's a duet. If you're like me, you may think of duet as a four-letter word. It always makes me think of John Denver and Miss Piggy. They would always be singing some stupid love song that would start with Miss Piggy swooning over John Denver. Somehow, by the end of the song she always worked herself up into a jealous rage and was punching him. It was predictable and boring, and only worth sitting through because Veterinarian's Hospital was often next. Let's work together to remove the stigma of the word duet, and cleanse our minds of any memory of John Denver.