Sunday, February 1, 2004

Wisdom of a Founding Father

Dear friends,

  Every month I start my newsletter with those two words, and there is a reason. You are all my closest friends. Seriously!!! In fact, just thinking about it I find myself having to wipe a glorious single tear off my cheek. A few minutes ago I was really struggling to think of a greeting card-caliber proverb or a sentimental aphorism to match this symbolic tear, but my own mind wasn't inventive enough to express the appropriate degree of tenderness. That's when I decided to consult the hundred dollar man himself, Benjamin Franklin.  
  As you probably know, Benjamin Franklin wrote, "Poor Richard's Almanac," an entire book of quotes (most of which start with "I quote myself, saying...") Franklin penned this manifesto of maxims shortly after the Revolutionary War, during which he saw many of his most trusted companions become Tories and join the redcoats in battle against his countrymen. Many of his adages about friendship were especially apropos to these times, including:

"Beware old friends like meat twice boiled"
"Best friends, like fish, stink after three days"
"Two friends may keep a secret if both of them are dead."
"The only difference between friends and enemies is that enemies won't lend you the stick to beat them with."
"A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move the first friend's body after you beat him to death with a stick."

  My views about friendship are much more traditional. In fact, I just came up with my own proverb:  "It's no coincidence that the words 'friendly' and 'friend' share the same root." I don't think one proverb is enough to publish a whole book of quotes, but I'm going to keep working on it.
  I am also working on a side project, which is to compile a complete list of real life best friends. I think I'm just about done, but if you can think of any more that should be on this list, let me know...

The Lone Ranger  -  Tonto
Blossom  -  Six
Mike Seaver -  Richard "Boner" Stabone
Ricky Schroder - Alfonso
Theo Huxtable - Cockroach

  The song for February is called, "Best Friends Forever." Even though I generally express myself best with lists (see above) I thought I'd give music a shot, too. A lot of people are asking me if the guy I'm singing the song with is actually my real life best friend. Unfortunately, my publicist has told me not to answer that question directly. I am supposed to segue back to plugging the last Hard Taco album or talk about the Golden Globes. 

With warmest regards,