The Hard Taco song for February is called, "Tribute to the Rhythm King." This song features two iconic pieces of colonial headgear... the Pith Helmet and the Giant Bone in the Hair.
Which gives us a nice segue to play a little game I like to call...
WHAT KIND OF HAT ARE YOU?
I know. The phrase, "a little game I like to call" has only ever been used for wicked purposes. But I can tell you're curious. Here's the deal. If I correctly guess what kind of hat you are, you have to listen to the new song.
Are you cone-shaped?
Do you kind of look like a cymbal?
You are an Asian Rice Farmer Hat
Are you stiff?
Do you make your wearer look like an idiot?
Do you have pictures of stars and moons?
You are a Wizard's Hat
When your wearer kisses a frog, does it turn into a dude?
You are a Princess Hat
You are a Dunce Cap
No such hat exists. Start over.
You strike joy into the hearts of...
ALL CHRISTIAN CHILDREN
You are a Santa Cap
A FEW WHITE CHRISTIAN CHILDREN
You are a Klansman Hood
Which U.S. President looked like a total badass wearing you?
You are a Tricorne Hat
You are a Top Hat
You are a Panama Hat
You are a Cowboy Hat
Harrison/Ford (mixing presidents here)
You are a Fedora
Are you meant to be thrown?
Do you have a tassel?
You are a Graduation Cap.
You are Oddjob's deadly Bowler Cap from "Goldfinger."
Do you have a propeller?
You are a Beanie.
NO, because the tail would get caught in it
You are a Coonskin Cap.
NO, because it might scratch the glass ceiling of the Popemobile
You are a Miter.
NO, because I am a Sombrero
You are a Sombrero.
NO, for any other reason
Might you be seen in the vicinity of Buckingham Palace?
Which of the following is most likely said while wearing you?
"WHAT'S ALL THAT, THEN?"
You are a British Constable Hat.
"GOOD LUCK, GUV'NA!"
You are a Chimney Sweep Hat.
You are an Ascot Cap.
(Nothing at all.)
You are a Big Black Furry Bearskin Queen's Guard Hat.
"Dude, check this out. He won't talk! Hey Guard.... You suck!!!!"
You are a tourist's Philadelphia Phillies Baseball Cap.
Does everyone who sees you want to rip you off and stomp on you?
Do you have a brim?
You're an Enormous Kentucky Derby Hat.
You're a Toque (Chef's Hat)
Do you actually exist?
You're a Fez or a Hard Hat. (No other question can distinguish these)
You're a Thinking Cap.
With warmest regards,