Tuesday, November 1, 2005

Please Forward to Everyone You Know or We All Suffer

Dear Friends,

    The Hard Taco song this month, "The Only Serious Thing," is now available for download. This is the low-hanging fruit of the musical world, so take it now while it's ripe.

    Meanwhile, please forward this email to twelve (12) other people, and your wildest dreams will be CAREFULLY CONSIDERED. This is not a hoax! I already sent it to twelve people and the next day when I got home my towel rack was fixed and also my wildest dreams had come true. Here are third person testimonials about people who thought this was a hoax and ended up regretting everything:

1. A homeless guy thought things couldn't get any worse for him, so he deleted the email without forwarding it to anyone.  The next day he was falsely convicted of first degree high treason and had to travel over several time zones just to be executed. 

2. This one girl didn't believe in jinxes or computer curses, even though everybody told her how wrong she was, including the president of her company. She turned off her computer without forwarding the email to anyone, left her house and immediately got lost at the first intersection she came to.

3. Do you know those factories filled with rotating robot arms that bolt big pieces of metal together all day? Well, this guy who declined to forward this email got his foot caught in the conveyer belt at one such factory, and got sheet metal bolted to his upper and lower body over and over again. Finally, at the end of the assembly line, the robots (which were well-built) sensed that something was wrong, and flicked his metal-encased body into a reject bin rather than sending him to market.

4. An old man forwarded the email to everyone he knew, but it was only eight people. The next day, all eight of his friends were swallowed whole by a number of different animals. When word got around that the man had no living friends, no one would hire him for a real job and he had to live out the rest of his days ringing a bell in front of the grocery store like an idiot.

5. This other lady fell into a bottomless pit for unrelated reasons. After falling straight down for nearly fifteen minutes, she forwarded the email to the right number of people, and pretty soon her wildest dreams came true.

With warmest regards,