Monday, November 1, 2004

A Severance Package for the Knocker Up

Dear Friends, 

I would be the first to admit that rock stars get all the attention, but the real excitement takes place behind the scenes. I'd like to dedicate this, the 30th Hard Taco Digest, to the world's most amazing crew. Here are some of the jobs held by our indispensible backstage supporting cast... (I don't know any of their names, but they are all fantastic people!)

1. Manager
2. Sound engineer
3. Brow girl
4. Foister (joiner)
5. Ballaster 
6. Puggard
7. Blentonist (water diviner)
8. Fanwright
9. Shanty Man
10. Bowlminder (where would the band be without well-mided bowls?)
11. Knocker-up
12. Chaff cutter
13. Mangle keeper (will use a mangle for a fee)
14. Inspector of Weights and Measures
15. Cratch maker (Makes ALL cratch including mangers, cribs, and frames)
16. Decoiner
17. Master Lumper
18. Cape beater
19. Scullery maid
20. Loblolly boy (who assists the ship's physician)
21. Jiggerman
22. Bone button turner (makes buttons on a lathe)
23. Zitherist
24. Paling man (seller of street eels and crockery)
25. Arkwright
26. Flax wife (the old maid who rets and dresses flax)
27. Alabasterer (not to be confused with the alabastere, who wields a crossbow but does not work with alabaster.) 
28. Rack maiden (Dresses the ore in tin mines)
29. Checkweighman
30. Dragoon (mounted infantryman)
31. Higgler (tender of fine higgle)
32. Mustard phrenologist
33. Slubber doffer (removes bobbins from spindles) 
34. Groundsel and chickweed peddler (streetseller of common weeds, used to feed songbirds)
35. Cod placer
36. Fancy man
37. Stuff gowsman (junior barrister)
38. Butter carver (makes imprints in butter pats)
39. Hemp and Anchor Smith
40. Daguerreotype monger
41. Plumer (makes or sells plumes, often confused with a plummeter, who operates plumb bobs or unfinished plumbum)
42. Damster
43. Feather beater (cleans feathers by caning them)
44. Gummer (improves old saws by deepening the cuts)
45. Buckle tongue maker 
46. Frobisher (removes rust from armor)

The Hard Taco song for November is called "Margot Dupris," and the lyrics page for this song comes with a special featurette::: (It's cool, but not quite cool enough to be called a feature, but I put three colons to give it as much emphasis as three exclamation points!!!) All of the tough words I didn't know are linked to so simpletons like me can look up what they mean while listening to the song. I haven't personally looked up any of the words, so I still don't know what the song is about, but I heard that it made the Queen of England say "Oh my!" and blush a little. 

Okay, time out. Where the hell is that guy when I need him? I need my fine higgle tended NOW

With warmest regards,