Only 4th Graders Think Sporks Are Funny

Dear Friends,

  There aren't many of us left anymore, but those of us who lived through the early nineties will never forget those tumultuous and idealistic times. At Nicolet High School there was a short-lived underground newspaper called, "Gathering No Moss." One of my classmates wrote an article about the sluttiness of the Homecoming Queen. Another one wrote an article about how funny the word "Spork" was. A third student wrote an editorial about the importance of voting. All three of them were suspended. Here's where I became involved. Not only did I physically handle a copy of this publication, but I actually signed a petition asking for the suspensions to be revoked. Honestly, I thought the Spork guy deserved it, but there was no space on the petition to explain the need for selective amnesty. By initialing that document, I was suddenly vaulted into the same category as the extremists who wanted reprieve for the Spork guy. And don't think there weren't consequences... I had to move three or four times before I finally got off all of the mailing lists. 

  Anyway, it turns out I come from a long line of dissidents (and by long I mean a line connecting two points.) In the 60's my parents chose to be tear-gassed rather than walk an extra two blocks around a group of protesting students on their way to class. This is a true story. The rest of their stories from the 60's are surprisingly uninteresting. 

  And speaking of surprisingly uninteresting, April's Hard Taco song is called "Hunger Strike." For those of you locking arms on the San Francisco freeways this weekend, this song may be just the inspiration you need. Be strong, brothers and sisters.

Sincerely,

Zach

Hee the Old Haw

Dear Friends,

  America has many things to be proud of, but I have always felt that it is our rich heritage of folk lore that makes us truly stand out among peoples. I treasure beyond all else those moments in time that magically transform something American into something much greater... Americana. This war that we're starting may seem pointless on all levels, but indirectly, we may be fighting to preserve the great American art of storytelling. The more I think about it, the more I want to head down to my local Army recruiter this afternoon and get a pamphlet.

  Few characters in American folk lore still hold as much notoriety and charm as the Great Mermule of Mississippi. Those of you who didn't grow up in the South may only know the Mermule as a side character in the Paul Bunyan saga. (If I remember correctly, Paul Bunyan catches the Mermule disturbing a log jam. They wrestle for 6 days and 6 nights, but they're too evenly matched, so they eventually call a truce and build a giant windmill together.)

  It would be wrongheaded to assert that I was the first person to put the Mermule's adventures into song. Alan Lomax recorded Woody Guthrie doing a version of "Let's Hee the Haw My Darling Only," which chronicles the brief romance between the Mermule and one of the girls who sold Johnny Cakes to the longshoremen. I also seem to remember a song about the Mermule helping a family keep their apartment during The Depression but I haven't been able to find any reference to it on Google. (If anyone remembers the title, let me know.)

  Anyway, this month's Hard Taco song will be a welcome trip down The Nostalgia River for those of you who grew up listening to stories of the Great Mermule. For those of you meeting the Mermule for the first time, I hope you're hungry for a healthy serving of delicious Americana. Remember, if we don't invade Iraq right away, there may be no more Mermule stories someday!

With warmest regards,

HT

Sell Out or Die Trying

Dear Friends,

  It has recently come to my attention that certain bands who run in similar circles have taken to challenging their fans to compete in ping pong tournaments. Vic Kardell from promos asked me to try to set something like that up this month. Forget it, Vic. You should know by now that Hard Taco is about the music and the music only. The day I play ping pong against some stupid fan is the day I lay down my guitar forever. We talked it over this morning and the rest of the band feels the same way. If you want, we will do a few publicity shots holding paddles, but there's no way we will actually play ping pong against people we've never met before.

  February's song is called "The Loser's Union." I may have put the apostrophe in the wrong place, but it's way too late to change that now. I don't think it really affects the message of the song, which is, as of this moment, that I will not prostrate myself before a bunch of whiny teenagers for the sake of some dirty money ping pong competition.

With warmest regards,

HT

The Worst Fans in the World

Dear friends,

  Hard Taco fans are the best fans on earth.  I've said it before, and when I die I want it written on my gravestone. When we play a gig, we try to really connect with the audience in a deeply personal way.  One of the  burdens of being that kind of artist is that I can't physically leave the stage at the end of the night unless I have actually made somebody weep.

  Anyway, contracts and other legal mumbo jumbo have prohibited us from putting out a live album this year. (Please direct all hate mail accordingly!) December's song is a taste of what would, and hopefully will, be on that album if we ever get a competent freaking manager. (Just kidding, Milo - We still love you!) Anyway, if you ever went to a Hard Taco show in the club days, you may remember 'Minnowman.'  It's an a old concept piece from a previous incarnation of the band that we unceremoniously exhumed and dusted off during the Black Bean Tour in '99. One night in Oakland, we came onstage planning to open with the Men At Work medley, but instead were greeted by the sounds of 6,000 screaming co-eds chanting "White Funk! White Funk!" From that night on, 'Minnowman' was the opening tune, and by the end of the tour some fans were actually smuggling live guppies in baggies and hurling them onstage. Very uncool. Those were the worst fans on earth. I'm thinking about putting it on my gravestone as an addendum. Anyway, I was not at all surprised that bumping the Men at Work medley to second didn't seem to lessen anyone's enjoyment of it.

  This particular recording of 'Minnowman' was from January 2000, at the Regency Arena in Charlotte. It was a special night for two reasons. First of all, we rocked about ten thousand people "harder than ever," (The Carolina Herald's words, not mine!) Also, it was the night we found out Isaac Asimov had died so the show had that much more emotional weight.  Lots of people were weeping when that show ended, and I was no exception.

With warmest regards,

HT

A Small Boy Grew Up and That Boy Was Me

Dear Friends,

  In the spirit of the upcoming elections, former President Ronald Reagan has asked to introduce this month's HTP song, "Ruse" for the Hard Taco Digest this month. The following is a small exerpt of his correspondence with us:

"It is with great pleasure that I have been given the honor of presenting this song to the American People today. When I think of America, I can't help but think of a small boy growing up through some tough times who learned a valuable lesson, and that boy was me. But perhaps there's a similar lesson in All Americans today, rich or poor, because they are our most valuable asset besides liberty itself. I'm speaking, of course, about the strength of American industry and the prominence of our collective chin. We The People have dirtied our fingers on this hallowed soil and unearthed a force more powerful than our forefathers could have dreamed - the desire for independence through a proven system of checks and balances. We The People have stood up to all that was right in the face of adversity. The Statue of Liberty herself is emblazened with these great words, 'The affluent shall not be burdened and the needy shall find solace.' I ask you today, let us not dare to dream great dreams. I am weeping now as I draw 48 stars for you today. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Thank you."

With Warmest Regards,

Zach

Amazing How Short These Used to Be

Dear friends,

  For several months the download page at the Hard Taco Project has been riddled with introspection and turmoil. Enough already! For October, I would like to offer some lighter fare; a delicate sorbet to cleanse the palate between courses. It is called "The Shag Patch," and it would not be unreasonable to call it a modern day parable. Or perhaps it is a cautionary tale with a valuable life lesson. Anyway, enjoy the song, but be careful or you might learn something along the way!

With warmest regards,

Zach

The Original Gang Sign: One Hand Makes a Hat, the Other a Field.

Dear Friends,

   It seems you can't open a magazine or turn on the TV these days without hearing about one thing... family feuds. The common thread of the most recent bestseller lists, both fiction and nonfiction, has been family feuds. Veteran docudramatist Ken Burns has taken his proverbial shovel to the landscape of public television and planted his two cents on the subject, and they have blossomed like a pair of magic beans.

   Even journeyman stage acts like Billy Gilman have tried to use music as a forum to establish a dialogue about (and between) feuding families.  Indeed, it is a sign of our national solidarity that so many bright minds have come together to raise awareness about family feuds and support agencies that promote raising awareness about these families and their feuds.  

   However, the national limelight will not find a new mark until someone addresses the issue of family feuds (and violent family feuding) in a way that is both revealing and cathartic for the American public.  I wrote September's Hard Taco song, "Bring Me the Head of Antonio," to address the fascination and the terror we all feel, and ultimately to allow us to make our peace with family feuds.

With warmest regards,

Zach