We Will Break You

Dear Friends,

There is credible evidence that the U.S. has used "music torture" at the Guantanamo Bay detention camp as a form of psychological coercion. The practice includes blasting songs, often heavy metal or children's music, to disorient and intimidate detainees. 

I believe that is why Hard Taco's 35th album, Toxic Productivity Bonus, is not dropping today!

You see, I submitted it to my distributor last week, and as of this writing, it is still undergoing inspection. What is there to inspect? As you can plainly see, the walleyed marionette on the album cover is wearing pants. And his hand is on the C button, a letter specifically chosen because it does not appear in any controversial words. 

So what is this gauntlet through which they must run this poor album?

A man of logic can arrive at only one conclusion: the delay allows the Homeland Security Military Commission Authority more time to screen the album for potential music-torture tracks.  

Which of these songs is most likely to destabilize the psyche of a political detainee? Perhaps it is "Septuagenarian," the new song for December. Catchy little tune, absolutely. But blast it at 90-100 dB under a soup of blinding floodlights (not included), and I'd like to think that your average Joe Enemy Combatant would break and confess to at least one act of terrorism.  

An admittedly less plausible explanation for the delay is that the music distributor holds a draconian (or at least overly-stringent) definition of *7-14 business days.* I submitted the files a week ago, only to learn that there are apparently no business days in the last week of November. 

November 25 - National Play with Dad Day

November 26 - National Jukebox Day

November 27 - Thanksgiving. (Also National Craft Jerky Day)

November 28 - National Flossing Day

If folks at the distribution company truly honor these holidays, they were far too busy roughhousing with their fathers and cleaning between their teeth to release my album, 

Regardless, the album drop is coming soon, so check your favorite streaming service daily for Toxic Productivity Bonus. And when it finally appears, you can form your own 100-dB focus group and let me know which track is most humanity-shattering!

With warmest regards,

Zach