Showing posts with label NASA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label NASA. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 1, 2024

Didja Know Doncha Know

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for May is called, "Family Curse," and it's an instant classic. (As opposed to "Classic Instant," which describes Folger's coffee any cream or sugar.")

For this month's Hard Taco digest, I'm bringing back an old feature called "Didja know? / Doncha know?" There's one DK/DK fact for every day of the month, so you can learn knew things between Wordles.

May 1:
Didja know? The reason some people put a horizontal line through the number 7 and letter Z is that they didn't mean to write them and don't have an eraser.

May 2:
Doncha know? The tradition of shaking hands started as a way to check if the other person was Jesus and was currently nailed to a cross. 

May 3:
Didja know? NASA claims to have lost communication with the Mars Rover Curiosity in 2021, but really they just drifted apart as NASA started spending more time with Perseverance and stopped responding to Curiosity's texts. 

May 4:
Doncha know? If you meet a German with celiac disease, it is considered rude to greet them with the phrase "Gluten Tag."

May 5:
Didja know? The tongue is the only muscle that is attached at only one end, rendering it useless unless stuck to a frozen flagpole.

May 6:
Doncha know? If you try to hum with while holding your nose, spinal fluid will come out your belly button.

May 7:
Didja know? Honey never spoils. When archeologists found honey in an ancient Egyptian tomb they sniffed it to be sure, shrugged, drank it straight from the canopic jar, and put the jar back in the sarcophagus. 

May 8:
Doncha know? Sharks have been on this planet longer than trees, and they won't shut up about how much better music was back then.

May 9:
Didja know? A single piece of confetti is called a "confetto," and it is traditionally dropped from the ceiling when the Chiefs win the Super Bowl, because seriously nobody cares.

May 10:
Doncha know? The first humans wore fig leaves over their genitals to protect their modesty. We honor this tradition today by wearing a figurative fig leaf over one eye. (To clarify, this mostly works when said in a roomful of pirates.)  

May 11:
Didja know? The Amazon rainforest produces 20% of the world's oxygen, which is converted by the local fauna into Portuguese small talk.

May 12:
Doncha know? A "d" is just an older "4" that took its bra off at the end of the day. 

May 13:
Didja know? In 1311, Pope Clement V outlawed bowling because he feared that the game detracted the faithful from their religious obligations. Ironically, Clement is now the most common name among bowlers. 

May 14:
Doncha know? You would be impressed enough to go out with me if I proclaimed that tomatoes are actually fruits, bananas are actually berries, and peanuts are actually legumes.

May 15:
Didja know? A sneeze travels up to 100 miles an hour, but the creators of Superman still chose to go with the speeding bullet analogy.
 
May 16:
Doncha know? The word "titillation" is derived from the word "tittle," which means the dot over an "i." Anyone who has ever dotted an i knows what I'm talking about, amiright?

May 17:
Didja know? Lady Mary Wortley Montagu famously suffered from digitivolaticophobia, the fear that a garden warbler would perch on her extended pinky while she sipped tea.

May 18:
Doncha know? Goosebumps, gooseflesh, goose pimples, and erector pili are all synonyms, but scientists argue about which term is the grossest. 

May 19:
Didja know? Gustave Eiffel got the idea for the monument that bears his name when he saw a small UFO trying to capture a giant letter A with a tractor beam. 



May 20:
Doncha know? A group of flamingos is called a "flamboyance." A group of flamingoes that sings and dances but can't play their own instruments is called a "flamboyband."

May 21:
Didja know? Ben Franklin petitioned for the turkey to be the official bird of the United States, but he settled for Butterball being the official poultry sponsor of The U.S. Constitution.

May 22:
Doncha know? For one day each year of the Vietnam conflict, the U.S. Army made everyone wear Mexican-American War throwback uniforms.

May 23:
Didja know? Thomas Edison invented the phonograph as a way to record and playback the unique sound he heard when shaking his previous invention, the dead light bulb.

May 24:
Doncha know? Humans are the only animals that blush. That said, tapeworms get pretty embarrassed when someone asks them to explain their life cycle at a cocktail party.

May 25:
Didja know? Some scientists believe that the evolutionary purpose of wisdom teeth is to chew out one's own appendix. So neither is completely useless.

May 26:
Doncha know? One quarter of all of your bones are located in your feet, and one quarter of your feet are located on my keychain. (This comment is directed at a specific rabbit.)

May 27:
Didja know? There is no evidence that aliens have visited any of the other planets in our solar system, but that may just be because they have only learned to announce their presence with crop circles.

May 28:
Doncha know? Butterflies taste with their feet, so it one lands on you're tongue, it's trying to French kiss you.

May 29:
Didja know? Honeybees can recognize human faces, but they still get Amy Adams and Isla Fisher confused.

May 30:
Doncha know? The bar code was invented as a way to help sell clothing, because vertical stripes are slimming. 

May 31:
Didja know? 
The Vatican has the highest per capita crime rate in the world, due to its small size, large number of visitors, and minor Roman Catholic holidays such as The Feast of Disorderly Conduct and Saint Alphonse the Jaywalker. 

With warmest regards,
Zach

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

A First Look at Virgin Galactic

Dear Friends,

There is a grand tradition of Jewish people writing Christmas music. The best-selling single of all time, White Christmas, was composed by Irving Berlin, whose real name was Israel Isidor Beilin. The list goes on. Winter Wonderland, Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire, Let it Snow, Santa Baby, You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch, and Silver Bells were all written by Jews. José Feliciano, the author of Feliz Navidad, was actually born Mordecai Simchah Gefilte Fishman ben Moishe Saul Cohen-Lowenstein Rabinowitz. True story.

This month, I grapevine in the footsteps of my ancestors with this medley of short Christmas songs. I hope you find them to be the perfect musical milieu for screaming at mall clerks who politely ask to see a receipt for the thing you're trying to return.

My senior year in college was probably the last time I knowingly disseminated Christmas cheer. My five housemates and I held occasional meetings to accuse each other of leaving unwashed dishes in the sink or to complain about the 50 pound bag of rice that was purchased without unanimous consent. That December, we held a house meeting to vote on whether to sublet our extra bedroom to an enigmatic Asian fiddle player. We agreed to do so if two conditions were met: 100% of his rent money would go towards Christmas lighting, and the display would be so garish that it could be seen from space. The electrical nightmare we created stretched well past the point of vulgarity, but unfortunately, there was no easy way to verify that it was visible to astronauts.

At this point, I wiggle my fingers and say, “DOO-da-la-doot, DOO-da-la-doot,” to indicate that we are traveling forwards in time to the present day. This year, overweight rich people will finally be able to journey to edge of the cosmos and look down on earth. 2014 is here, and this will be the year that commercial space travel takes off.

I predict that the industry will be referred to as "Rocketourism" by those who enjoy buzzwordplay, and that you will have heard both of those words here first.

How should you prepare for your first space tour? According to the Virgin Galactic website, you will leave from a spaceport in the New Mexico desert. Please plan to arrive at least 90 minutes in advance for sub-orbital flights, and 2 hours in advance for orbital flights. Bring copies of your passport, and pack light, because it takes 200 pounds of solid fuel to lift that 3 ounce tube of hand cream into space.

Following lift-off, the commercial spacecraft will reach a cruising altitude of 62 miles. Here, you will be treated to the ultimate sightseeing experience. Of course, you have seen the moon before, but few humans have seen it like this! Specifically, it will appear a bit smaller, because you will be a little farther away from it than usual.

While my old house in Providence is no longer visible from space, some claim that The Great Wall of China is. At its thickest point, the Great Wall is only about 30 feet across, the same width as a beach volleyball court. This is probably why the U.S. diverted so much money to the space program during the Cold War... most of the early manned missions were devoted to counting Soviet volleyball courts.

Anyway, a Virgin Galactic ticket includes a 30 minute space flight, unlimited Wi-Fi access and a complimentary copy of their inflight magazine, Thermospheres. This will run you just over $200,000 including bag fees, so keep an eye out for a Groupon offer.

As you glide back to earth, the cars on the interstate will look like tiny little ants scurrying in a line. As you draw closer, they will look more and more like giant, freakish ants. Holy crap… how long were you gone? Come closer still, and you will see that they're just cars. Phew.

Now let's talk about the elephant in the room... SAFETY. (And I'm not referring to Safety the Elephant from that fire department coloring book.) I understand your propensity to perseverate on the Challenger and Columbia disasters. Let's try to keep this in perspective, though. For every space shuttle that exploded, there were 2 space shuttles that didn't explode whatsoever. That already-favorable ratio is even more impressive when you consider NASA's practice of subcontracting all 20,000 spaceship parts to the lowest bidder. Virgin Galactic has much better quality control, because Sir Richard Branson personally inspects all defective O-rings. More importantly, all components are manufactured at a single location by employees of Virgin Industries. As you would imagine, most of them are kraut-rock singers who didn’t read the fine print in their record contracts.

One last piece of advice: Don't waste your time visiting the international space station. That place is a rocketourist trap.

With warmest regards,
Zach