Tuesday, July 1, 2003

The Sun is Flat

Dear Friends,

    Has anyone else noticed that if you take the 'ac' out of 'Hard Taco Digest,' you're left with 'Hard To Digest'? You know what else is hard to digest without the AC? My car! And my house! It's turning into a real scorcher out there this summer and I don't know where I would be without modern urban amenities like temperature control.
   You know, when you're a hard working rock band on the road, one of things you really notice is that different motels have different air conditioning units. We always stay at Red Roof Inn, primarily because their Member Rewards rooms used to come standard with the Friedrich Quietmaster SL35J30. There's nothing like the comfort and peacefulness of a noiseless split system AC unit when you're feverishly trashing a motel room in a drunken rage.
    That's how it used to be, anyway. This last year, Red Roof downgraded their AC's, and it's changed things a bit. First of all the whole band quit drinking altogether. In fact, we usually just make the groupies stay on the bus after the show, because the low hum of the new units is such a killjoy we all just feel like sitting around and watching TV. Sometimes we'll play Uno, but even that seems unnecessarily demanding with all that low-grade white noise in the background. The room temperature is fine, I guess, but being cool doesn't make you cool, as they say.
     Speaking of being uncool, you know who is number one on my "Forget You!" list this week? Weird Al. That guy doesn't have his finger on the pulse of anything.
    This month's song is called "Flatness," and it's a tribute to stubborn reactionaries everywhere. Those of us who ask ourselves if the Earth is really round, and come up with the only logical conclusion... Yes! Round like a pizza. The sun is also flat, by the way.

With warmest regards,