Saturday, March 1, 2008

The Hard Taco Lyric Writing Workshop

Dear Friends,

  The Hard Taco song for March, "Take Me Home," is the first Southern Rock ballad ever to feature a chorus of women repeatedly shouting the phrase, “By Gum!” If that doesn’t turn you on, you probably have a hormonal problem. I’m not kidding… you should get your oestrotesterol and excretrogin levels checked.

  After 15 years, I'm finally ready to fess up to the source of all the "new" lyrics I come up with every month. I use templates. If you want to try it yourself, print out the sample below, circle the choices that articulate your position on things, and sing them.  When you're ready to write another song, print out the same template and repeat the process.

Template 4: "Sometimes I Feel Like (Cryin' / Dyin')"

I've been banging on your back (door / with a pipe)
Won't you let me (in / go / sleep / in to go to sleep)
I've got a (belly / pocket) full of (whiskey / nickels / troubles)
And a (mind / reason / contract / gift certificate) to (bring / take) you (down / daisies / to a bake sale)

  Sometimes I feel like (cryin' / dyin')
  It makes me feel like (dyin' / cryin')

If I'm to (blame / understand correctly), I (understand / have myself to blame)
But I'm not going to (beg / hold / trust / spank) you (anymore / tenderly / after breakfast)
You know me, I just can't be (satisfied / taken alive / out in the sun too long)
So I'm going to (Alabama / St. Louis / make sweet love) in my beat-up (Chevy / girlfriend's Chevy)

I'm a lonely (freight train / wolf / organ grinder) and I'm off to (chase my dreams / Sweet Vernita / private school)
You can (hurt / feed / sculpt) me,
You can (desert / debrief / delouse) me
You can tell me (lies / bitter lies / scathing hurtful fibs)
But at the end of the (day / line / Bronze Age)
The only thing I've come to trust is (God's love / racial profiling)

  Sometimes I feel like (cryin' / dyin')
  It makes me feel like (dyin' / cryin')

(Baby / Sugar / Your Honor), you're just a (two-timing / big-legged / coal-mining) woman
And there ain't no (shame / point / money) in doing you (wrong / right / in / any favors)

Can't you (see / pretend / disrobe when) I'm on my (knees / deathbed / best behavior)?
Can't you (shake / shave) your (moneymaker / preconceived notions)
And let me (live / die / drink / bake) in (peace / Hell / the pantry)?

  Sometimes I feel like (cryin' / dyin')
  It makes me feel like (dyin' / cryin')

You drive me (crazy / because I have epilepsy)
But I love (you / America / duck / spin class) anyway
I want to be your (handy / back door / pusher / swamp) man
Please, Baby, please (Baby please / don't take your love away / clear the dishes)

With warmest regards,