Thursday, March 1, 2007

Public Service Announcement Number One

Dear Friends,   

   The only thing I find more odious than the phrase "Old School" is the phrase "Kickin' it Old School." I can't legally condone violence against others for saying it, but if I ever utter the words, "Kickin' it Old School," please break a dinner plate over my face. 
  The Hard Taco song for this month, "Lay Down Paul Revere," is kicking it onlypartially old school. (OUCH! My nose is broken and I deserve it, which is what really hurts!) 
   While you're listening to it, I would like to take a moment to acknowledge, by genre, some of the hip & hop artists that have influenced me most in the last thirty days. 
Old School 
DJ Jazzy Dwight 
The Def Godfather 
Schoolly B 
Boogie La Funk
Steady Mack Mack 
Grandmaster Groove E. Dance 
Kool Terrance
New School 
Biggie Flow 
New Jack Twista 
$crapes 'n' Bruise$ 
Explicit A thru L  
Nasty Nutz Cop Raper 
Trillion Dollar Bill 

Parochial School 
MC Benevolence 
Rhythm-Method Man 
The Priesty Boys 
Montessori School 
DJ One Centimeter Wooden Cube 

Prep School 
Swettah Vest 
The Bloodline Gang 
Hogwartz School 
Dumble D 
The Playa-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named 

   This song is part of a rap opera I am working on called, "Public Service Announcement Number One," the theme song of which is entitled, "Glue Sniffing (Don't Do It.)" I want teenaged youth-persons to know that the rapper lifestyle is not all about spinning radiator grills and huffing glue off of underage girls' chests. Take it from someone who has learned some difficult lessons. Should children be seen and not heard? Maybe. Should glue be touched and not smelled? You better believe it, youth-persons.
   The glamorous people will disappear from your life as soon as the supply of Elmer's dries up (or simply dries.) You will get disabling carpal tunnel syndrome in your glue-stick-twisting hand. One day, you will wake up naked under a stall-table at a Burger King, surrounded by empty bottles of rubber cement and unable to feel your tongue or face.
   I want the rap community to encourage youth-persons to make healthy glue lifestyle choices. Fashioning balsa dinosaur skeletons is a healthy glue lifestyle choice. Writing "I Love You" on manila construction paper with dried macaroni is a healthy glue lifestyle choice. Covering a crappy wicker hand basket with seashells is a healthy glue lifestyle choice. These activities give you what I call "a natural glue high." Am I high on glue? You bet I am. I am high on glue naturally!
With warmest regards,