Gently Down the Steam

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for July is called, "Two and a Half Stars," but I think it is being too modest. This is definitely a three star song. 

Good morning, Zach's Bucket List. My, you're looking a slimmer today. Have you lost weight?

Oh, I see what's going on. You're smaller because we finally FINALLY made the entire Hard Taco catalog available on all major streaming services! For years, this was just a far-flung dream, just out of smelling range. But Lauren and Malcolm teamed up to get this done as a combined Birthday/Hannukah/Birthday/Hannukah present from Lauren and Malcolm, insomuch as it took two years of birthdays and Hanukahs to get it together.  It includes 32 albums recorded from 1993-2022, with plans to add one year's worth of songs every year in December!

Here's what the library looks like right now in Spotify (with one album still mysteriously missing):

Having anyone expect you to listen to one new song a month is already too much, let alone 419. But if you've been holding off on checking out the music all of these years because you hated having to go to the proprietary website to hear it, your day has come. To make this less overwhelming, I put together a few playlists of songs that fall into some of the more accessible categories.  Let me know if you have new playlist suggestions!

Acoustic/Folk Favorites

Rock Favorites

Rap Favorites

Sound Like They Should Be Part of a Musical but Aren't

Weird Time Signatures

Oldies

With warmest regards,

Zach

Auguries, Omens, and Presages

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for June is “Let Me Get My Readers.” I never uttered this phrase once in my life until a few years ago, and now I find a reason to say it nearly daily. Often, I preface it with an impassioned pleas, such as “I beg of you…” or “I’ll tell you anything you want, just…”

In other news, I just discovered that I'm a prophet. 

Biblical prophecy is easy to master because it's all Mad Libs. 

"Lo, for the (plural noun) shall (verb) upon the (noun)." 

- (Amish-sounding first name) (2-digit number):(1-digit number)

But I found that my talent lies not in speaking on behalf of God, but in predicting the news in song lyrics. Here are some recent world events that were foreshadowed in Hard Taco songs. 

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Event: The Capital Riots, January 6. 2021
Eerily prescient song: “Run Randomonium” October 1, 2019.

“It’s a wise uprise, it’s a blest unrest, it’s a true-blue coup, and the riot in The Capital’s joyous.”

This quote makes it sound like I was pre-emptively supporting the January 6 riots. Come on, Jake (if that's your name.) It's called prophetic satire. There is a long history of satirical prognostication, like when Nostradamus predicted that Napoleon would exist, he'd be super tall and wouldn’t be ashamed to show both of his hands when posing for portraits. 

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Event: The destruction of Sanibel Island by Hurricane Ian, September 28, 2022.
Eerily prescient song: “Scrapbooking” March 1, 2021

“Mushroom clouds in pastels, seashells, wedding bells for your Armageddon-themed wedding on Sanibel.”

The destruction of Sanibel Island was so complete, it was described as “Total Armageddon” by local business owners. In the aftermath, couples have continued to tie the knot among the ruins. 

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Event: The death of Gordon Lightfoot, May 1, 2023
Eerily prescient song: "Blankety Blank” May 1, 2009

“And the ghost of Gordon Lightfoot sang Oh Canada Our Home.”

Sure, you could say that this wasn’t particularly uncanny because everyone dies eventually, and the Canadian National Anthem is so catchy, we'll all be singing it in the afterlife. But the remarkable thing is that "Blankety Blank" was released exactly 14 years before his death. TO THE DAY. 

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Event: Artificial intelligence taking over our jobs, every day since November 22, 2022 

Eerily prescient song: “Turing test” August 1, 2020

“My every move brings me closer to your human job.”

The remarkable thing here is not that song lyric, but the accompanying Hard Taco Digest. If you've made it this far, I encourage you to revisit that essay. It included a story called "The Dingo Ate the Baby," and a series of questions designed to distinguish a human from AI. I declared that if a robot could correctly answer all 13 questions, I would concede that it deserved to replace us in the workplace and wedding bed. This morning, I ran the test through ChatGPT... and I'll be sleeping on the couch from now on. 

With warmest regards,
Zach