Monday, March 1, 2004

Emotional Compatibility Quotient

Dear Friends,

  Hard Taco asks... What is Your Emotional Compatibility Quotient? Take our newest quiz to find out!

Question #1: Your significant other insists on paying for dinner every time, even though you make nearly twice as much money. Do you:
a) Let him/her pay. It's not worth the domestic turmoil and besides, that's more money for you to spend on hair care products.
b) Insist on paying at least the tip this time, and refuse to leave the restaurant until you get your way. 
c) Raise one fist in the air, slam a mind-splitting power chord on your guitar, and swing your sweat-drenched hair in circles, grimacing sardonically. 

Question 2: You have a date to have coffee with an old college buddy, but as usual, he's twenty minutes late. 
a) It's no big deal... some people are just more punctual than others. Besides, your cell phone has a great solitaire game. 
b) Say, "Hello, Mr. Show-Up-Whenever!" when he gets there and pout a little bit while he orders his cafe mocha.
c) Go down to the tattoo parlor and get a giant demon-winged death's head tattooed on your chest with a flaming snake coming out of its mouth. The snake will also have a skull head with skeletonized dragon wings and blood dripping off its fangs. It will also have inverted bloody crosses made out of bones instead of eyes, and each cross will have a crucified goat-demon on it with inverted pentagrams shooting out of its mouth.

Question #3: You accompany your parents to your grandmother's birthday party and you are soooo bored. You:
a) Sit in the corner and admire the Kleenex cozy she knitted, waiting patiently for Grandma and her friends to go to bed.
b) Start tugging on your mom's sleeve and whining as soon as you get to the nursing home parking lot.
c) Bang your head against your drum kit, kick over the bingo table and scream in German until you can taste blood in the back of your throat. Throw your flailing body through the China cabinet, tongue wagging, and then slam-dance with your great aunts until the police finally arrive and disable you with three times the usual dose of tranquilizer darts. 

Scoring: Give yourself 1 point for every "a", 2 points for every "b" and three points for every "c".

If your score is 1-8
You are timid and weak. You are a parasite living on pigs and worms. In due course, you will be willing herded to the slaughter along with everyone you know and a new society will rise from your smoldering cadavers. 

If your score is 9
You have potential to succeed in your relationships, but something is still holding you back. You need to focus less on pleasing others and stop living as if your parents are still watching your every move. You will be happier and healthier when you learn that it's okay to do something special just for yourself sometimes. 

We hope you enjoyed the quiz, and learned a lot about your Emotional Compatibility Quotient. The Hard Taco song for March is called, "The Medicine Show," and it's the opening number to a forthcoming musical by almost the same name.  From now on, you can assume that any song that seems to have a cast of thousands is probably part of this project, but I will try to remember to let you know which ones those are.  Also, don't forget to take our previous quizzes: "Are You a Slave to Your Pets?" and "Which Famous Author Are You Most Like In Bed?"

With warmest regards,