Wednesday, February 1, 2006

www.(misspelledword).com is totally available

Dear Friends,

  This month's Hard Taco song, "Truer Then a Teardrop," is dedicated to my daughter Scarlett, who spent the last five days in the hospital with a nasty case of bronchiolitis, a word I did not make up. We're home now, and she's feeling much better, but I thought she could use a song.
  I would like to take a moment to introduce you to Steven Giamlalis, a Customer Installation Manager at a company in Albany, NY. I am not fond of Steven Giamalis, even though I have never met him. My antipathy towards this man is rooted purely in jealousy, for Steven Giamalis has something I have wanted for years. He has  I have written him two very persuasive emails in the last six years, requesting that he give up the domain name, but he has never responded. Meanwhile, I have to go on pretending that what I do is a "project."
  As readers of this digest, and supporters of the Hard Taco mission, I implore you to join me in sending a clear message to Steven Giamalis that his hard taco website is not welcome in our online community. Copy the following letter into your own email program, and feel free to personalize it, using the Mad Libs format I have outlined below.

Send to: Steven Giamalis
Subject: I am not fond of you, Steven
Dear Steven,
   I am writing to inform you that many ___(PLURAL NOUN)___, including myself, are disappointed in you. Your website, is a ___(NOUN)___ of mediocrity that has been __(VERB ENDING IN -ING)___ for over five years. If you were using the domain name for a viable commercial or personal purpose, I could forgive you, but Steven, your last blog entry was two years ago. It's time to let go. 
   I don't want to be___(ADJECTIVE)___, Steven, but I also take issue with some of your colloquialisms. You use words like "fundage" instead of money. You call your guestbook "Ye Olde Guestbook," and refer to your computer as a "bucket-o-transistors." These perversions of the English language are akin to smearing __(SYNONYM FOR FECES)___ on Noah Webster's grave.
   Steven, there are plenty of good doman names that are still available. Do you have a hobby, such as craftwork or bingo? Why not change your domain name to  How about www.___(MISSPELLED WORD)
   Finally, Steven - Can I call you Steven? I do not like your honeymoon photos. They seem very provincial and __(ADJECTIVE)___. Why would you take some many damn pictures of ___(THINGS FOUND IN IRELAND)___?  Of course, if I knew you or your wife personally, I would probably enjoy them more.
   Please understand that I am trying to be constructive. Feel free to write me back and let me know if you agree with my observations. 

(___(YOUR NAME)___)

If anyone gets a reply from Mr. Giamalis, forward it to me, and I will send you a free Hard Taco CD or bib.

With Warmest Regards,