Friday, March 1, 2019

The Five Finger Discount

Dear Friends,

There are five words in the title of this month's Hard Taco song, "Blood Is Thicker Than Chlorine." The song is in 5/4 time, which means it has five beats per measure. This makes it easy to dance to, as long as you have two-and-a-half legs.

In honor of all of this five-ness, I also wrote this poem/numerological prophesy:


Five are the lines on a musical staff
The composer composes a score on
Five are the oceans, and five the Great Lakes
Five are the protons in boron

Five are the Jacksons, and five the Maroons
Five are the number of bandages
You'll need to attend to a starfish's wounds
After twisting off all its appendages

Five are the letters that make the word Harry
So five points for Gryffindor! (Potter's house)
Five are the Spice Girls from Sporty to Scary
And Vonnegut's favorite slaughterhouse

Five are the senses and stages of grief
And the biblical booklets of Moses
Five are the types of Chanel you can dab
On your five little fingers or toes-es

The five-second rule can apply to all five
Of the food groups, which I find incredible
Five seconds turns something dropped on the floor 
From delicious and pure to inedible

All zip codes consist of five numbers, my friends 
From the five New York boroughs to rural Maine
"Precarious" has all five vowels, and also
Describes the fifth class of a hurricane

Five are the cents in a Jefferson nickel
The five-dollar bill has Abe Lincoln
So come and take five
And slap me high five
And raise up a fifth and start drinkin'

With warmest regards,