Friday, June 1, 2018

Not That Kind of Book Club

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for June is called, "Before the Labs." The idea of this song is that something amazing or terrible happens to everyone eventually. When it does, we'll look back and think of how pleasantly normal life was when we recorded this particular song last week.

Did I mention that it's June? A whole month with no holidays? It's great if you work at a bank because you don't have to deal with days off! But for the rest of us, there's only one way to escape the June doldrums: A nice, stimulating book club. I'm starting one right now, so bring your girlfriends over to my place. We'll slurp some Pinot Grigio and discuss classic American novels that we supposedly read in high school, but didn't! I'll go first.

For Whom the Bell Tolls

  • The author, Ernest Wheming, was better known by his Pig Latin name. 
  • The story takes place during the Spanish Civil War, when the president was a man named Spanish Abraham Lincoln.
  • If you kill someone for their copy of For Whom the Bell Tolls, it is considered Justifiable Whomicide.

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

  • Mark Twain famously said, "I am famous for my sayings." 
  • The character of Huckleberry originally appeared in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, making his own novel the fourth most popular spinoff of all time, behind Frasier, Laverne and Shirley, and Better Call Saul.
  • Huck has brothers named Bloob, Rasp, Cran, and Dingle. Ironically, Mrs. Finn didn't really like berries.

Moby Dick

  • Another well-known spinoff of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. The White Whale's first appearance is as Tom's pal, Moby Dickleberry. 
  • Young readers may find this this 585-page book to be incredibly boring, but scholars believe that Melville's masterpiece is nothing short of irritating and tedious. 
  • The famous first line of the novel was an abridged version of Melville's first draft. Much to the author's chagrin, his editors removed the original opening phrase, "I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my number..." 

Catcher in the Rye

  • The word depraved is never used in the English language, except to describe books you want to ban from school libraries.
  • When John Hinckley Jr. attempted to assassinate Ronald Reagan, authorities found a copy of The Catcher in the Rye in his hotel room, along with a copy of Slaughterhouse Five, and the first three Harry Potter books. 
  • Depraved.

The Great Gatsby

  • Since every sentence of this book provides relevant plot information that brings the reader closer to the shocking conclusion, Fitzgerald prefaced every line with "Spoiler alert!"
  • East Egg is a fictional representation of Port Washington, Long Island. The Great Gatsby is a fictional representation of The Great Muppet Caper.

Of Mice and Men and To Kill a Mockingbird

  • Mister Steinbeck and Ms. Lee, there is nothing more annoying than book titles that seem to start in the middle of a sentence. Do your readers a favor and include the preceding phrase, "Looks Like Mama's Hurling a Bloody Bucket."

With warmest regards,