Dear Friends,
The Hard Taco song for April is called, “Spinneret.” It is so energizing that after you listen to it, you will be able to go to your middle school gymnasium and beat your best time at the shuttle run.
With warmest regards,
Zach
Postcards from Panama City, Part 3
3/11/2011
Dear Karen,
I have great news. I hired a secretary to take dictations for me. He is bilingual and does secretarial work full-time for only $300 a month! I will have him sign his name after mine at the bottom so you can see how different our handwriting is.
I’m very excited about this, because now I can finally get some exercise while I write! As you know, there are three forms of exercise: strength training, toning and cardio. With my body type and long term goals, I have decided to focus 100% of my efforts on toning. I have a "toning diary," which is a piece of graph paper where I will log objective and subjective observations about my muscle tone.
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/13/2011
Dear Karen,
If you like archipelagos even a little bit, you will love it here. When you come down here for our wedding, the first thing you will note is that Panama has a rich and fascinating geological history that started 30 million years ago and continues to this very day.
I went to the libraría and got the newest book by the fitness expert Amanda Mejia. She is a well-known juice model who I refer to as The Guru of Toning. One thing I like about her book is her use of practical tips and excellent schemata. The very first line of the introduction translates as follows: "You should obtain medical clearance from a doctor before starting any new exercise routine." This is disappointing, because I have not established care with a primary care doctor here. After some soul searching, I decided that muscle toning is really important to my long term goals, so I am going to go to the emergency room the day after tomorrow (Hector's day off.)
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/14/2011
Dear Karen,
I haven’t heard from you, but I’m sure you’re exceedingly busy. On an unrelated note, my neighbors have commented to each other that I do not look desperate or forlorn about anything.
Karen, most people would do anything to own a jet-pack, but I'm concerned that the exhaust would burn my calves. I will probably wear several layers of pants, just to be sure. The pair I care about the least would obviously be the outermost layer. Write back soon, and feel free to include schemata (I find them helpful.)
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/15/2011
Dear Karen,
Hector seems concerned about his job security. I think he worries that I don't have enough work for a full time secretary, since I usually only dictate one postcard per day. He is probably right, so I am going to send you two postcards a day from tomorrow until the end of the month. Then I will fire him. He is finding this out now, because I am dictating to him, but he is not showing any emotion about it.
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/16/2011
Dear Karen,
I forgot to write about my trip to the ER! The health care system here is second to none. There was just a little bit of paperwork, and next thing you know I'm in line to see a doctor! They even had an American magazine in the waiting room. Have you ever heard of Soldier of Fortune? The magazine was almost two years old, but the business reply card was still in it so I ordered you a subscription.
I read an article called, "Vladimir Putin: Dark Genius of Statecraft." I think you would find it fascinating, especially if you’re interested in statecraft. I also skimmed an editorial that recommended the Springfield XD-M pistol for hunting big hogs with very bad attitudes. Use this information if you must, but after we are married, I will insist on buying you all the pork you want from the grocery store.
With warmest regards,
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/16/2011
Dear Karen,
The doctor didn't have any problem with me starting a new exercise routine! I had him look at the schemata in the first chapter in the Amanda Mejia book, and he said I should be fine. I also told him that no one in my family has asthma or any muscle diseases.
Just between us, I do have a family history of acid reflux syndrome, but I promise that our children won’t inherit it if you take mega-doses of folic acid during pregnancy.
With warmest regards,
Michael
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3/17/2011
Dear Karen,
Today, as a social experiment, I am asking Hector to dictate to me, and I am doing the writing. It feels weird! He's not saying anything (he's been sort of distant lately), so I'm just going to write whatever I feel like. This is fun! Okay, let's switch back. I'm need my arms to log some results in my toning diary.
What’s up with you these days? It would sure be great to hear from you on Tuesday or Wednesday, or whenever is good for you.. I am mailing you a two week supply of folic acid. It’s no big deal except that it’s the very expensive kind that prevents birth defects and supports the health of your salivary system.
With warmest regards,
Michael
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