The Five Finger Discount

Dear Friends,

There are five words in the title of this month's Hard Taco song, "Blood Is Thicker Than Chlorine." The song is in 5/4 time, which means it has five beats per measure. This makes it easy to dance to, as long as you have two-and-a-half legs.

In honor of all of this five-ness, I also wrote this poem/numerological prophesy:


A LIST OF THINGS THAT COME IN FIVES

Five are the lines on a musical staff
The composer composes a score on
Five are the oceans, and five the Great Lakes
Five are the protons in boron

Five are the Jacksons, and five the Maroons

Five are the number of bandages

You'll need to attend to a starfish's wounds

After twisting off all its appendages

Five are the letters that make the word Harry

So five points for Gryffindor! (Potter's house)

Five are the Spice Girls from Sporty to Scary

And Vonnegut's favorite slaughterhouse

Five are the senses and stages of grief

And the biblical booklets of Moses

Five are the types of Chanel you can dab

On your five little fingers or toes-es

The five-second rule can apply to all five

Of the food groups, which I find incredible

Five seconds turns something dropped on the floor 

From delicious and pure to inedible

All zip codes consist of five numbers, my friends 

From the five New York boroughs to rural Maine

"Precarious" has all five vowels, and also

Describes the fifth class of a hurricane

Five are the cents in a Jefferson nickel
The five-dollar bill has Abe Lincoln

So come and take five
And slap me high five
And raise up a fifth and start drinkin'

With warmest regards,
Zach

Mnemonic Possession

Dear Friends,


The Hard Taco Song for this particular October is called, "Not Illegal, But Frowned Upon." I had a tough time deciding whether I wanted this song to be dissonant or boring, so I recorded it twice.

First, I offer you the Sloppy Garage Band version. This was actually recorded in my friend Jon's sloppy garage.

Even if you removed all of the instruments and cables from this garage, it would still be full. 

Also, most of what you hear was recorded in one take, which adds to both the sloppiness and garageness.

Second, I offer you the Lightly Plugged version. The guitar is acoustic, so it is tempting to call this Unplugged, but that would be a misnomer. The microphone is plugged into the recording gear, which is plugged into the computer, which is plugged into the wall. Nonetheless,  I wanted to create an experience with as little plugging as possible, so I loosened all of those cables a little without disconnecting them.

For the writing part of this month's digest, I have created a series of helpful mnemonics to aid in the memorization of the nine most difficult concepts.

Which months have 31 days? (January, March, May, July, August, October, December)
Join My Marvelous Journey And/Or Die

Once Earth has been destroyed, how will I remember the order of the planets?
My Venison-Meat Jewelry Shouldn't Upset Nearby Poachers
(Note that once Earth is gone, there will be no one left to object to Pluto's planet status.)

What are the Great Lakes?
First, remember that GREAT LAKES stands for:

God's
Rather
Effective
Agent of
Thunderstorms,
Locusts,
And
Killing
Egyptian
Sons

And who does that describe? Moses.
And how do you say Moses in Hebrew? MOSHE.
Michigan, Ontario, Superior, Huron, Eerie

Which notes in the treble clef are on the lines?
Economically,  George Bush Deliberately Failed

Which notes are on the spaces?
Film Actor Clint Eastwood

What are the strings on a guitar? Assume that I'm a sarcastic teenager learning guitar for the first time. 
Elephants Aren't Dirty, Gray, or Big Enough

What year was America discovered?
In 1491, Columbus had not yet begun... to develop a compelling value proposition for venture capital, and demonstrate market traction to investors.

What are the colors of a rainbow, to a blind person?
B

How will I remember all the mnemonics discussed here?
Months with 31 days
Notes in the treble clef that are on lines
Earthless planets
Mnemonics using the word mnemonic (This one)
Ontario and other Great Lakes
Notes in the treble clef that are on spaces
In what year did Columbus make final preparations to sail the ocean blue?
Colors that Stevie Wonder sees in a rainbow
Strings on a guitar

With warmest regards,
Zach