Dear Friends,
The Hard Taco song for October, "More to Say," is not a Mexican Metal song. You're thinking of "Muertese," which is pronounced the same, but means Die in Spanish.
Did anyone else take advantage of that offer where you get a free 6-month subscription to Disney Plus if you buy a new yacht? It seemed like a good deal, but five months later, I had barely turned on the TV because I was too busy yachting about! But now that the weather is cooling down and I've basically yachted my fill for one yacht season, I thought I would take advantage of that subscription and watch all the Pixar sequels in order. If any of you are in the same boat... get off my damn yacht! But if you are in the same boat metaphorically, here is a guide to those movies.
Toy Story 2 (1999) - Andy swears he left his toys in the chest, but he begins to grow suspicious when he comes home to find his mother bound and gagged in a cauldron of boiling water, with all of his toys encircling the pot as if they had just moments ago been dancing and chanting.
Toy Story 3 (2010) - By this point, Disney was sick of limiting their characters to classic or unbranded toys. So, they just said screw it and strung together clips of existing toys-themed movies: Transformers, My Little Pony, Trolls, Care Bears, Battleship, American Girls, Bratz, G.I. Joe, Rainbow Brite, and Strawberry Shortcake.
Cars 2 (2011) - Chief creative officer John Lasseter originally licensed the script for a movie called SARS, an action-comedy about anthropomorphized coronaviruses infecting respiratory epithelial cells and replicating exponentially. But when Chinese censors refused to release the feature in their market, Pixar eventually caved and changed the viruses to cars. Reportedly, Owen Wilson was shooting another film by this point and was unable to re-record his lines, but Lightning McQueen's offensive Chinese accent is never explained in the movie.
Monsters University (2013) - A few years after the events of Monsters Inc., the city of Monstropolis is stricken with a debilitating energy crisis. The scientists of Monsters University hypothesize that there may be more efficient methods to exploit human children than using their screams or laughter. Mike and Sully conduct clinical trials, attempting to harness the power of children's sneezes, farts, burps, and hiccups, but none are cost-effective. Finally, Boo discovers that the most economic method to generate electricity is a direct conduit to the human brainstem. The closing scene shows human children born in fetus fields and spending their lives in pods, suspended in artificial amniotic fluid, with their headjacks directly feeding into giant underground power plants. Throughout this montage, Randy Newman sings a Southern-accented Americana-influenced song called "We Gotta Work Together to Make this Work."
Finding Dory (2016) - After Finding Nemo, every spoiled brat wanted their parents to pony up hundreds of dollars to buy them a saltwater aquarium so they could have their own clownfish (Nemo) and a Blue Tang (Dory.) Things got even more expensive after this sequel was released, because those same kids now demanded an octopus (Hank), a beluga whale (Bailey), and a dentist.
Cars 3 (2017) - Sorry, I can't bring myself to watch this one.
Incredibles 2 (2018) - Originally called Frozone, this movie featured Mr. Incredible's bosom buddy Lucius Best skating around Metroville, immobilizing thugs with the vapor from his breath and the occasional frozen urine whip. Test audiences loved seeing a strong black super in a leading role, but Disney balked at the proposed title because it was too similar to another movie that was slated to be released the following year. If Pixar had their way, we wouldn't have had Incredibles 2 (2018) and Frozen 2 (2019), but Frozone (2018) and Thawed (2019).
Toy Story 4 (2019) - The only new toy that appeared in this franchise was a spork, so merchandising tie-in opportunities were relatively sparse. Pixar did their best to make up for the lost revenue with key product placements, including Buzz Lightyear's catchphrase, "To Infiniti... and Beyond Burger!"
Lightyear (2022) - After providing voice talents for 22 films, John Ratzenberger had a falling out with Pixar just before the filming of this Toy Story prequel. "It's not about the money," Ratzenberger said. "It's about respect. They don't pay me Joan Cusack money, they don't respect me. And ain't nobody can play [Hamm the Piggybank] as believably as me." Ratzenberger was correct. He was so convincing in the role, Pixar executives were eventually compelled to smash him to pieces with a hammer, and use the spare change that rolled out to hire his replacement.
With warmest regards,
Zach
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