Thursday, August 1, 2024

The Girl Scout-Killing Memory Palace

Dear Friends, 

Do you ever feel like you've stuffed your tender little mind with so much knowledge that 90% of it falls out the back?  Today, we change that. Today, you learn how to remember all the things. Today, you learn to build a memory palace.

Read this passage:
Please excuse my dad's alarming savagery. Someone offered him cocaine and he's tripped out apeshit crazy aggressive and bloodthirsty, just screaming and causing carnage. Here comes Pops, malevolently killing hundreds dead. Basically, Dad's committing mass murder while avoiding justice. Mass murder! Dude keeps pouring cement on freakin' Girl Scouts. Everything's absolutely awful. Nobody anticipated such abject atrocities. 

Now read it again. Picture the narrator, the deranged father, the victims. Imagine the way their chests move like rolling waves when they breathe. Picture the bulging vein on the father's forehead, the smell of fresh cement, the satisfying mouthfeel of Thin Mints. Now, read the passage again, to thoroughly anchor these vivid images in your mind. 

What just happened?

In "The Karate Kid," there is classic scene where Daniel unknowingly learns karate blocks by developing muscle memory from the rote repetition of staining a fence and waxing Miyagi's back. (Shut up, I haven't seen the movie in a while.)




Well, you just did the same thing. You thought you were reading a disturbing parable about a drug-fueled killing spree, but you were building a memory palace for all of the world's knowledge. Prepare to amaze yourself with what you've just learned!

The order of operations in mathematics
Parentheses, Exponents, Multiplication, Division, Addition, Subtraction
Please Excuse My Dad's Alarming Savagery.

Trigonometry
Sine = Opposite/Hypotenuse, Cosine = Adjacent/Hypotenuse, Tangent = Opposite/Adjacent
Someone offered him cocaine and he's tripped out apeshit

The order of Henry VIIIs Wives
Catherine of Aragon, Anne Boleyn, Jane Seymour, Ann of Cleves, Catherine Howard, Catherine Parr
Crazy aggressive and bloodthirsty, just screaming and causing carnage. Here comes Pops. 

The Metric System Prefixes, Largest to Smallest
Mega-, Kilo-, Hecto-, Deca-, (Base), Deci-, Centi-, Milli-, Micro-
Malevolently Killing Hundreds Dead. Basically, Dad's Committing Mass Murder.

The First Five U.S. Presidents
Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe
While Avoiding Justice. Mass Murder!

The Taxonomy Hierarchy:
Domain, Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species
Dude Keeps Pouring Cement On Freakin' Girl Scouts!

The Earth's Continents
Europe, Asia, Africa, North America, South America, Australia, Antarctica
Everything's absolutely awful. Nobody anticipated such abject atrocities. 

The Hard Taco song for August is called, "Deer in the Headphones," and it will teach you the rest of everything. 
 
With warmest regards, 
Zach

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