A Bunch of Terrible Pharmaceutical Puns. Look Away.

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for May is called, "Please Don't Pet Me While I'm Working." If there was a primordial demon that fed on funk, it would positively feast on this song! Okay, fine, maybe not. But if started to get peckish at 4 pm, it would nibble on it enough to tide it over until dinner.  

Did you know that if you mix Dayquil and NyQuil in just the right proportions, you get cold medicine that you can be taken at 7 pm without disrupting your normal sleep-wake cycle? It's called Twiquil.

Not only is that unfunny, but it is a chilling harbinger of the diaphragmatic spasms you will soon experience. For the remainder of this digest consists only of riddles about over-the-counter medications, each calibrated to induce progressively harder groans.

First, try to solve them on your own. If you're still stumped, you can use the picture, which includes all of the correct answers. When you're ready to give up, scroll to the bottom. 

Riddles:

1. What do you call an airport that is no longer in Los Angeles?

2. What do you call a draft beer that only costs 10 cents?

3. What's the best thing to put on an April bagel?

4. What did the pseudoephedrine do when it was unfairly slandered by a government officer? 

5. Last night, I had lemons, sugar, and water. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to mix them, so when I became thirsty, I... 

6. You need to console a friend who is currently suffering through life as an electrical tool. Tell them, "It will get better. I know what you're going through because I, too, have..." 

7. Pickled ginger and wasabi just make sushi better. I guess you could call them...

8. When the Israelites were wandering in the desert for forty years, one of them (who was an emergency medicine physician) became suddenly hungry, and shouted, " "Nurse! I need..." 

9. When I was in tird grade I finally quit sucking my...

10.  No! You can't play with that Barbie. She's...

11. I realize that Arthur Curry is a man. I get that part, but I don't understand the purpose of the prefix. What is the... 

12. What do you call a town best known for simple arithmetic?

13. In my estimation, Daniel Craig gets the bronze and Pierce Brosnan the silver, but Sean Connery will always be the... 

14. Sorry for giving you COVID, Bullwinkle. I feel bad that I... 

15. Why did the acetaminophen stay at an aviary in Bangkok? Because it's a...

16. What did Humphrey Bogart hurry home?

17. A wanted to make an omelet, so I bought a dozen grade-A jumbos. But when I cracked them open, they all had little pieces of Terpsichore, Calliope, or Euterpe. I immediately called the grocery store and informed them that they inadvertently sold me... 

18.  I can't stop coughing and the only cure is 12 androids. Please let me have my... 

Answer options:

Answer key:

1. Ex-LAX

2. Dime Tap

3. May Lox

4. It sued a fed

5. Lacked Ade

6. Been a drill

7. Roll aids

8. Manna, stat!

9. Tums

10. My doll

11. Aqua for?

12. Addville

13. Gold Bond

14. Made a moose ill

15.  Thailand Owl

16. To see Bacall

17. Muse in eggs

18. Robot dozen

With warmest regards,

Zach