Dear Friends,
Spotify undermined my creative process this month.
Everything was going fine until we built The Dood Ranch, our dog-themed Fortress Party room. Scarlett was in charge of music, and she dutifully put together a playlist of bittersweet country songs about dogs, which we played on repeat throughout the party. That was enough to convince Spotify that I'm obsessed with this music and I never want to hear anything else. Since then, no matter what music I request, pivots and reverts to twangy dog anthems.
To make matters even more maddening, those songs weaseled their way into my subconscious. As you may have guessed, the new Hard Taco song, "The Pound," is a bittersweet country song about dogs.
The Elusive Portmantrois
A portmanteau is a word that blends the sounds and meanings of two others. The word labradoodle is a portmanteau of Labrador and Poodle. The Labra comes from Labrador and... sorry, I think I'm mansplaining!
Which is also a portmanteau. See what I did there?
In this month's digest, we will introduce the concept of the PORTMANTROIS (Port-man-TWAH). This is a lexical blend of three words that is, itself, a portmanteau of the word portmanteau and the French number trois. Sorry, mansplaining again.
Hangri-La
Hangry (Hungry + Angry) + Shangri-La
An earthly paradise for people who get cranky while waiting for the ambrosia of the gods to be served.
Guesstimitzvah
Guesstimate (Guess + Estimate) + Bar Mitzvah
A celebration where an individual is deemed to have reached Jewish adulthood based on an approximate and uninformed estimation of their age.
Glampede
Glamping (Glamour + Camping) + Stampede.
When tourists trample each other trying to secure the nicest yurt.
Frenemigo
Frenemy (Friend + Enemy) + Amigo
A person who is 2/3 friend, 1/3 enemy
Chillaxative
Chillax (Chill + Relax) + Laxative
An exclamation used by surfers when they want someone to kick back and have a prune.
Bennifurnace
Bennifer (Ben Affleck + Jennifer Lopez) + Furnace
An incinerator where one tearfully burns memorabilia and tabloid clippings about their favorite celebrity ex-couple.
Romcomnivore
Romcom (Romantic + Comedy) + Omnivore
A person who enjoys both "Love, Actually" and "Mamma Mia" even though they are totally different subgenres.
Mocktailgate
Mocktail (Mock + Cocktail) + Tailgate
An outdoor social gathering where people "pre-game" on virgin daiquiris.
Mansplanetarium
Mansplain (Man + Explain) + Planetarium
A dark room with a dome-shaped ceiling where you can lean over and tell women how to distinguish satellites from stars based on whether they are moving.
Bromancestor
Bromance (Bro + Romance) + Ancestor
A forebear who shared a close, but completely platonic friendship with another man.
Jazzerseismograph
Jazzercise (Jazz + Exercise) + Seismograph
An instrument used to record the motions of the Earth caused by synchronous high knee jogs and mambos.
Volleybollywood
Bollywood (Bombay + Hollywood) + Volleyball
A high energy, theatrical beach sport with prolonged and completely senseless musical interludes.
Ligerbil
Liger (Lion + Tiger) + Gerbil
A liger will only breed with a gerbil in captivity, and even then, it has to be pretty desperate.
Alcoholic
Alka-Seltzer + Shopaholic + Chocoholic + Workaholic
A treatment for indigestion, taken after a day of overindulging on Chocohol, Shopahol, and Workahol.
Motelethong
Motel (Motor + Hotel) + Telethon (Television + Marathon) + Thong
An event, held at a roadside inn, to raise money in the fight against visible panty lines. This is the only five-part portmanteau in English.
Kraftfahrzeughaftpflichtversicherungspolice
(Kraft + Fahrzeug + Haftpflicht + Versicherung + Police)
A motor vehicle liability insurance policy. This is one of many five-part portmanteaus in German. In fact, they have been known to go as high as six...
Schadenfreudebratwurstkartoffelsalatfestzeltsitzplatzmangel
(Schadenfreude + Bratwurst + Kartoffel + Salat + Festzelt + Sitzplatzmangel)
The feeling of enjoying the misfortune of latecomers when the Oktoberfest beer tent is out of brats, potato salad, and seating.
With warmest regards,
Zach
