The Art of Pulling Your Hand Back In Time

Dear Friends,

Our youngest is starting his final semester of high school. So is he, like so many of his classmates, suffering from a case of senioritis? Nope, not my kid. 

The suffix -itis means inflammation or infection. Malcolm isn't red and swollen. The correct medical term for what he has is seniorosis, a diseased or degenerative state of the 12th grade with unclear pathophysiology. 

This month's Hard Taco song, "Boulangerie," is a braggadocio rap about French culinary prestige culture. Sadly, my public persona as a wildly self-confident baker is built on a lie born of my own seniorosis. 

In early 1993, with college applications behind me, I registered for a cooking course to close out my final semester. But it soon became clear that we would be discussing pot holders rather than braising short ribs. The class was about kitchen safety, not culinary art. 

There was a textbook, Labensky and Hause's On Cooking, but I never cracked it open. I internalized the core principles through real life experience: If milk smells bad, boil it to reset it. Point pan handles away from the stove and out into traffic. 

Leave items cooking on the stovetop unattended whenever possible. When washing a hot greasy pan, run cold water into it face first. Lean directly over it to inspect the splash radius. Use one cutting board for everything from raw chicken to fruit salad, to "season" it. 

There was no AP test, but I'm sure I would have aced it without studying. If a can is bulging, that just means you're getting more beans for the same price. Always cut towards your body, and if you accidentally drop a knife, catch it heroically. Wash mushrooms with dish soap. Guess internal meat temperatures confidently. If oil starts smoking, add water to calm it. Open steaming lids towards you. It's just common sense.

At the end of the semester, the instructor presented each of us with a signed credential card. Mine said, "Zachary London is certified to prepare simple foods safely and accurately." I carried this in my wallet for many years, flashing it when anyone questioned my kitchen credentials. But kitchen safety can't be laminated... it has to be lived. 

With warmest regards,

Zach

Time Travel: A Cautionary Tale

Dear Friends, 

Malcolm is smitten with theoretical astrophysics and takes it upon himself to educate anyone who will listen about black holes. I find it quite charming, at least until he drops the word "space-time." Because that's just taking unrelated concepts (space and time) and pretending that the intervening hyphen turns them into a single concept. I guess that's what makes it theoretical physics. Standard high-school physics teachers would never try to attribute observed phenomena to vacuum-topography-chaos-velocity or friction-adjacent-parallax-bureaucracy. 

The Hard Taco song for December, "Inverse Chinese Finger Trap," showcases just how little I actually learned from those conversations. 

What I was really hoping to learn is whether black holes prove that (A) time travel is possible, and (B) I could use one to go back and prevent my dog from chewing the eyes off my most precious stuffed animal, Opus. 

As a child, I related deeply to this little penguin's optimism, hopeless naïveté, and body-dysmorphic disorder. We even posed together in my high-school senior portrait. 

A boy and his penguin. A penguin and his boy. 

This delighted the folks at Worzella Photography; up to that point, no teenage boy had ever chosen a pose other than their standard three offerings.  

Approved Teenage-Boy Portrait Poses: 

(A) Scowling While Leaning Against a Brick Wall,

(B) Scowling While Sitting in the Wheel-well of a Monster Truck, 

(C) Scowling While Trying to Break Out of Minimum-Security Prison. 

Worzella Photography was so proud of the Opus picture that they featured it in their brochure the following year, along with the only other creative photo they had: Girl Scowling While Leaning on the Ruins of an Enemy Shrine.

Anyway, I would appreciate it if a black hole would take me back to 2023 so I could counsel myself to keep Opus on a high shelf so that Ozo the Labradoodle wouldn't rip the poor penguin's eyes out. 

Unfortunately, knowing my 2023 self, I would insist that 2025 Me say nothing. "The consequences could be disastrous," I would warn my future self, "Telling me to put Opus on a higher shelf (or why) could cause a chain reaction that could unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe!" 

So, I would take matters into my own hands, safely tuck Opus into a closed drawer, and return to the present, only to discover that Ozo the Labradoodle had instead ripped the noses off my other two precious stuffed animals, Winnie the Pooh and Fievel. 

With warmest regards,

Zach

College Common App Essay

Dear Friends,

This month’s Hard Taco song, “Fine Fine,” is a reimagining of our first date, though we changed all the circumstances and emotions of that encounter because reality was too embarrassing.

Speaking of revisionist history, I'm trying to help my son craft a winning Common App college essay. I know, I know... I shouldn't just write it for him. I should make him look up and replace a few of the adjectives with parent-approved synonyms. But this essay is such a winner, I can't, in good conscience, let him apply to college with even a single word changed.

From Puddles to Pillars: Six Legs, One Dream

When I was five, I rescued a ladybug from drowning in a vast puddle. That was the moment I realized I wanted to make the world a better place overall.

My mission trip to Mexico verified that this was not just a dream, but a passion, which the Oxford English Dictionary defines as “a strong and barely controllable emotion.” The diverse people I met in Cancun were among the poorest on earth. Many of them were elderly or injury-prone, but they were rich in other ways: culturally, spiritually, and in wisdom. I was part of a team that was instrumental in planning where to build a new well. Though our trip ended before we broke ground, we laid the PowerPoint foundations for a struggling community to acquire the freshest water that they had ever tasted. More importantly, we built bridges between two great cultures; Our lasting success could not be measured in pesos, not in cases of giardia prevented, but in smiles per hour. I write “we” instead of “I” because teamwork is instrumental to everything I value in my life. Or should I say, everything WE value in my life. 

Regardless, I will never forget how the proud people of Cancun accepted me as one of their own after only one transformative week. Ahora soy cancunense. They taught me more about inclusion and resilience than any textbook ever could. 

I was already primed for that lesson, because throughout my life, I faced more adversity than anyone can imagine, and found that each challenge made me stronger. In fifth grade, I twisted my ankle mere days before the biggest soccer game of my life. My parents’ jaws dropped in terror when the doctor gave us the news: it was a high ankle sprain, the kind that would leave me languishing on crutches for up to three straight weeks. I thought this was the end, but it was just the beginning. I was broken, but through resilience, I rebuilt myself stronger than ever. The next season, I was back on the field and had more assists than even I dreamed possible. 

Speaking of dreams, I live in a diverse, multicultural world made possible by the dream of one great woman. My grandmother was a Polish immigrant, who gave up everything to move across three oceans and start a new life. (She did not come the fastest way.) It is through her recipes that I discovered who I really am. At grandma’s house, I eat pierogi. At school, I eat pizza. I am both, but neither. The Oxford English dictionary defines “balance” as “an even distribution of weight,” and that is how I feel about this culinary duality. With my left foot, I put half my weight on my love of pierogi, which represent the strange and pungent traditions of my forebears, infused with love and wisdom. With my right foot, I plant the other half of my weight firmly on pizza, representing my open-mindedness about the world of today. With this balance, I heartily treasure modern elements like the latest video games without losing my connection to those who came before me and paved the road with sweat and scabs so my sister and I could have chances they always lacked. 

The last feature I think about when I consider my journey is how much I value originality. I don’t just think outside the box… I think outside the building where the box is stored. in fact, I don’t even acknowledge the box in the first place. When presented with a problem, I just approach it with intense creativity and turn the problem into an opportunity or even an asset. Examples available upon request. 

Sometimes, when I lie awake at night, I think back to that fateful afternoon when the other kids were playing tag, but I was rescuing a struggling ladybug from a puddle. How did it feel when I placed it gently on a nearby leaf? I guess I’ll never know, because the highest form of service is to not expect gratitude, or even wonder about it. But just as a ladybug has six legs, I have a strong foundation on the six pillars that hold me up: passion, service, resilience, balance, pierogi, and originality.

Oh-So-Great Dog Moments Captured on Film

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for October is a pop-punk banger about doghood called, "Someone's Got the Zoomies." 

But let's back up. It's May 23, 2020. School is online. Summer camp is cancelled. So far, Scarlett (15) and Malcolm (12) have spent Saturday in their rooms watching The West Wing and playing Minecraft, respectively. 

Lauren lures them out with a snack and drags them downstairs. She has devised an escape-room style puzzle for them. It's going to take an hour, and they are going to have to work together. At first, they grumble. But soon they get into it. 

Then, something happens that none of us expected. 

https://youtu.be/5DcL74FcF2A

If you have no patience for cute kids, clever puzzles, or trumpet practice, just skip to around 7:36.  

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with joy that it left you completely devastated? Now go back and watch the ending a second time. The best part of this movie isn't Scarlett's explosive catharsis, but her impressionable younger brother trying to match her energy. At first, Malcolm is happy, but when he sees her reaction, he starts moaning and writhing around.  He even hides in the closet, because that seems to be what the circumstances call for. 

So we got a dog that summer. Ozo is a mini labradoodle, and here is the dog version of his Madden stats: 

• Fluffiness 98
• Affection 94
• Protectiveness 92
• Playfulness 88
• Vision 34
• Squirrel Awareness 89
• Obedience 16
• Sock Destructiveness 100

This week, I was reorganizing a closet for Fortress Party prep, and a found Malcolm's trumpet, unused since shortly after its appearance in the escape room video. I fingered the valves a little and managed to blow out a few strangled "notes." And suddenly, there's Ozo, and he starts...singing? He is four years old, and this is the first time this ever happened. 

https://youtu.be/5jjkykhLUwo

If I’m ever having a not-so-great day, please play me these videos. Or even just remind me that they exist. 

And I will immediately start having an oh-so-great day. 

With warmest regards,

Zach

Cliffs Nodes

Dear Friends, 

Does anyone else find it hard to follow the plots of musicals? I usually enjoy musicals more if I read the Cliffs Notes ahead of time. Unless the musical is about ancient Egyptian runes, in which case I read the Glyphs Notes. 

This month's Hard Taco song is the second Act of the mini-rock opera, "Dark Star Origin," and I thought you might enjoy a quick plot summary to ease you in. 

But first, I want to point out that this second installment opens with a lovely acoustic guitar bit written and performed by Malcolm. I have been tracking our respective trajectories as guitar players, and calculated that on September 1, 2025, his abilities will surpass my own. I just set a phone alert for that date, and I plan to provide confirmatory evidence. With any luck, he'll then take over the family songwriting duties and put me in a nursing home. Hopefully one with comfortable rocking chairs. 

Here's that plot summary.

"Dark Star Origin" 

Act I

We meet Estella, a star in the Western sky whose purpose is to glow brightly enough to keep the people of Earth safe at night. (Part 1: Estella) But looking down at mankind night after night, she becomes obsessed with experiencing the wonders of the Earth firsthand. 

One night, she shines on a brilliant young sculptor whose works are particularly lifelike. She offers to grant him a wish in exchange for using his skills to transform her celestial form into that of a mortal woman. (Part Two: Chip Away) The sculptor is unmoved by her offers of magical trinkets and fantastical abilities, but he agrees to do the deed in exchange for any remnants of her starry essence that fall away as he sculpts.

It's a violent process (Part 3: Scour and Chisel), but he does a masterful job, and when the stardust clears, she is indistinguishable from an average woman. Overjoyed by her new shape (Part 4: Face and Form Maiden), she eagerly sets out in the world to indulge in human pleasures and endure the pains of mortal life.

Act II

For years, she revels in her experiment with humanity, grappling with the complexities of love and loss (Part 5: Fifty Years). She develops a profound appreciation for the fragile beauty and inherent unfairness of life. She realizes, however, that her absence from the Western sky has left the world in the dark every night, depriving humanity of the ability to appreciate their own beauty. 

She returns to the old sculptor, hoping he can help her reclaim at least some of her original shine (Part 6: That I May Be Restored). He beams with pride when he sees her, but is unable to fulfill her request. He admits that he used the stardust little by little to imbue his sculptures with a mystical radiance that garnered his works worldwide acclaim. With the dust long gone, he has now given up his chisels and retired to enjoy his wealth and fame. Outraged by what she feels was an abuse of her star magic, Estella lashes out at the sculptor and cuts off his hands.

Estella is instantly mortified by her violent outburst. She realizes that her purpose has always been to protect mankind, and she has now betrayed that purpose. She retreats to the sky, duty-bound to languish for eternity as a dark star. Blinded by remorse, she fails to recognize that a star with no light and a sculptor with no hands have left behind a legacy intertwined with the sculptor's creations (Part 7: Temples and Galleries). His statues, bathed in her celestial essence, are revered treasures in public spaces, museums, and religious sites that continue to inspire and illuminate the world. 

With warmest regards,

Zach

MORE FUN GODDAMIT!! [sic]

Dear Friends,

Throw a plastic bag over your head right now because your mind is about to be blown, and it's going to get messy.

The new Hard Taco album drops on all major streaming platforms today! 

Little Zippers features all of the Hard Taco songs from the last year, including (and led by) today's song release, the barbershop quartet-inspired "Belt and Suspenders (Grandma Was Put In a Shoebox)."

Where did the album title come from? Oh, there's a great story there. Little Zippers was the name of the name of the preschool I went to when I was a youngster. It's true, you can ask my sister! And if there's a more adorable name for a room full of toddlers, I'll eat that brain-soaked plastic bag on your head. 

I like to think that Little Zippers is an equally apt title for this collection of zippy little tunes. Head over to your favorite streaming platform today and check it out. 

MORE FUN

Last night, Malcolm asked if he could borrow my phone to use my subscription GPT account. When he returned the phone to me 20 minutes later, here is the thread I discovered. Most of us are no longer impressed with AI image generation, but I want you to pay attention to the human side of this conversation, and I'll explain why at the end. 

User:

[Picture of Malcolm's friend on a boat]

This is [friend's name], it’s her birthday today. Make a picture of her having fun in a birthday party.

 

ChatGPT:

Here is an image of a joyful young woman celebrating her birthday at a party.

User:

More fun!!!

 

ChatGPT:

Here's a more lively and fun image of the birthday celebration.

 

User:

She is having EVEN MORE FUN!!!

 

ChatGPT:

The party is now at its peak of excitement and fun.

 

User:

I don’t think it is… I want her to surpass the limit of what was once known as the peak of human enjoyment. I want her to have EVEN MORE FUN!!!

 

ChatGPT:

The celebration has been elevated to a spectacle of pure delight and exuberance.

 

User:

Her fun levels have reached an unreasonable and almost godlike heights.

 

ChatGPT:

The depiction of celebration has transcended to a divine level of enjoyment.

 

User:

MORE FUN GODDAMIT!!

 

ChatGPT:

If you have specific ideas or elements you'd like to see, please let me know, and I'll do my best to incorporate them into a new image.

User: 

She is literally bursting from the immense fun she is experiencing

 

ChatGPT:

The image now portrays an otherworldly celebration, capturing an intensity of joy that's truly cosmic in scale.

 

User:

I said BURSTING!!!

ChatGPT:

It may not be feasible to create an image that accurately represents that concept without potentially creating a depiction that is not in good taste.

 

User:

Not a concept. I want her to explode.

 

ChatGPT:

I'm sorry, I cannot create or provide imagery that depicts harm or violence, even in a metaphorical or exaggerated context like "exploding from fun."

 

User:

She is experiencing so much fun that she is transforming into the concept, she is becoming fun.

 

ChatGPT:

The image represents a magical transformation, where the joy and spirit of the celebration become almost tangible, encapsulating the essence of fun.

 

And that's where the thread ended. And while I laughed harder at each successive picture, it left me feeling strangely... emotional? Because Malcolm is going full Karen on the AI, placing increasingly unrealistic demands on behalf of his friend. He refuses to settle for anything less than absolute and unfettered birthday joy for her, one that pushes all worldly boundaries of jubilation.

Wouldn't you give anything for a friend like that?

With warmest regards,

Zach

He Chose... Poorly

Dear Friends,

Inspired by my son obtaining his learner's permit, this month's Hard Taco song is called "Pedestrian Came Out Of Nowhere."

I always imagined teaching my kid to drive would be like in the commercials... He'd buckle his seat belt, place both hands on the wheel, and give me a nervous glance. I'd say, "Just like practiced. Shift it into drive and gently release the brake." Then, he'd adjust the mirrors, and we'd share a tender moment slathering our faces in Nakery Beauty Hydra-C Oil to Foam Cleanser. Because for some reason, in this particular fantasy, the commercial we're in is for a skin care product. 

Reality, however, is far less flattering to my complexion. If he flips on his turn signal half a second later then I would have, I sweat. If he edges too close to one side of the garage, I scream. If he comes to a rolling stop at a yield sign, my skin withers, my hair grays and lengthens, and I rapidly decompose like that guy in the Indiana Jones movie who drinks from the false grail.

Perhaps the problem is that we jumped right to putting him in the driver's seat of the family car. He doesn't turn 16 until next May, so I think it might be prudent to slow down and take a more graduated approach. We'll start him out with something simple, like pushing a toy shopping cart. As he hones his skills, we'll grant him progressive responsibility with more complex vehicles...  a full-sized shopping cart, a lawnmower, a go-kart, a tractor, a stagecoach, and a hovering landspeeder (stalling, of course until this invented).

Only after successfully demonstrating proficiency in the 150 fundamental competencies of each of these vehicles, he'll earn his place in the driver's seat of the Ford Fusion. As he turns the key, I'll notice the old toy shopping cart in the back seat and laugh, realizing what a long way we've come from that initial, fictional commercial. And while drinking from the wrong grail and watching your kids drive can both age you 1000 years in a few seconds, I'll rest easy, thanks to Nakery Lift Multi-Peptide Serum, the clinically proven path to radiant skin. 

With warmest regards,

Zach

They Grow Up So Erratically

Dear Friends,

Because we are friends (see previous salutation), I have a gift for you in the form of a valuable life lesson in the form of a song. The song (see previous sentence) is called "Juice Ain't Worth the Squeeze," and it lays bare the harrowing cost of so-called hard work and quote-unquote success. 

For years, I've been trying to admonish my children about this, but they keep getting pushed through the system anyway. But at least they're getting pushed through the system in a completely non-linear fashion. Here are all their First Day of School Pictures from 2015-2022. 

Get a piece of tissue paper ready, because you are going to CRY or at least NEED TO BLOT YOUR LIPSTICK. 

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

Skipped school in 2020 to play board games in the kitchen. So proud!

2021

2022

With warmest regards,

Zach

Happy Wedding, So-and-so and Whats-her-face

Dear Friends,

The Hard Taco song for May is called, "God and Amazon." I set out to create something reminiscent of the theme music to Stranger Things, but the song was a rebellious teenager and had different ideas for itself. It just wanted to hang out with the stoner crowd, wallow in angst and wear Pink Floyd T-shirts. I don't know what to do. We try so hard for our songs, but I guess that sometimes we just need to give them space and hope they eventually find their own way. 

One of my academic mentors, Jim Albers, once told me that I shouldn't put a lot of effort into creating anything new unless I can use it at least five times. It takes hours to research for a presentation, make slides, and practice the delivery, so if you only give the presentation once, you haven't gotten a good return on your investment. The trick is to repurpose it for different audiences and tinker with it, so it gets better over time.

I have tried to take that advice at work, and to a lesser degree outside of work. While I still record an original song every month, there is one song that I have recycled EIGHT times. Today, we're going to meet that 8-headed hydra, the Happy Wedding Song. 

1. "Happy Wedding, Molly and Paul"- 2005

Here is how the story starts. I was invited to two out-of-town weddings on the same weekend, and I had to choose between the friend I was closer to and the friend whose party was more likely to be fun. I went with the latter, because bad decisions make better stories. Afterwards, I tried to make it up to the couple I jilted by writing them a wedding song, burning it onto a CD and mailing it to them. Here is that song: 

2. "Happy Wedding, Joanna and Zach" - 2006

Later that year, my cousin got married, and I forgot to send her a present. When my family brought this to my attention, it was already 2006, and I was both RACKED and WRACKED with guilt. So, I modified the lyrics to the Happy Wedding song to be about my cousin and her husband and mailed it to them on a CD-R. 

3. "Happy Wedding, Parkie and Joe"- 2006

A few months after that, I had to turn down a wedding invitation to take my neurology board examination. By this point, musical apologies had become second nature. I don't think the recording of this one survived, but here are the lyrics:

So Parkie got married to a guy I'd never met

In the wedding of the century that none shall soon forget

And I missed it for some stupid test, a move I now regret

I had to chew my fingers off 'cause I was so upset

I had to chew my fingers off 'cause I was so upset

So happy wedding Parkie and Joe

The fact we missed it tops the list of things that really blow

And it's not just that we came in late, we didn't even show

But if you have another one, I swear to God we'll go

So happy wedding Parkie and Joe

Your love's a solid victory for Cupid's mighty bow

For it's stronger than a wildebeest and sweet as cookie dough

And richer than a chocolate cake or even Ross Perot

So happy wedding Parkie and Joe

The next time we're in Georgia we'll swing by and say hello

First we'll tour the Jimmy Carter house then come and see your show

And visit the High Museum where they keep Whitney Houston's fro

So happy wedding Parkie and Joe

We haven't even seen your face since five long years ago

Now we wish you all the happiness that marriage can bestow

And we love you more than Jesus does (It's true... he told me so)

4. "Happy Wedding, Adriene and Jon"- 2012

Once you get into your mid-30s, wedding invitations inevitably slow to a trickle, so I didn't find an occasion to auto-plagiarize the song for the next six years. This time, it was for a wedding party toast rather than an apology. I don't really like to perform original music in front of a live audience, so this video is a bit of an anomaly.

5. "Happy Wedding, Russell and Dawn" - 2013

The next year, my brother-and-sister-in-law were married. Maybe I performed this version live? I don't remember, but I don't seem to have a recording of it. And since Dawn sort of rhymes with Jon, I was even able to reuse a couple of the lines from the prior iteration.  

So Russ is getting married, and by now I hope you’ve met 

His fiancé, who is currently both Jewish and brunette

And despite the fees to Match.com which put them both in debt

The groom and bride have DIY’d the greatest wedding yet

The groom and bride have DIY’d the greatest wedding yet

So happy wedding, Russell and Dawn

The bride will be a vision in her ivory chiffon

And in previewing the slideshow I can see why Russ was drawn

It wasn’t long ago she was a shiksa and a blonde 

The wedding will be charming, so we thank you in advance

We can notch another victory for internet romance

For Dawn, we hope that every day with Russ provides a chance

To fidget with your hair a lot and photograph some plants

To fidget with your hair and photograph some boring plants

So happy wedding, Russell and Dawn

Your nuptials have raised the bar for weddings from now on

If marriages were condiments then yours would be Dijon

It's the most romantic thing since Princess Leia married Han

So here's to all the special things your marriage has in store

A life of love and joy and Kurasawa films galore

And you will find each other cute for fifty years or more

Which in my book would qualify as being way hard core

Which in my book would qualify as being way hard core

So happy wedding, Russell and Dawn

Enjoy your trek to Reykjavik, have fun, goodbye, so long

To Iceland, that’s the country Russ’s play is based upon

Which makes me glad that Thorstein didn’t take place in Iran

So Happy Wedding, Russell and Dawn

You’ve bought so many books, your bank account is overdrawn

But Russ gets paid to act, there’s always that to fall back on 

Like when he did a touch of soft-core porn for Wild Swan

So happy wedding, here’s to Dawn and Russ

A marriage never lasts, they say, if only built on lust

But yours is built on love of cats, on Melville and on trust

So [RADIO EDIT], I’m sure that you’ll adjust

6. "It's Your Bat Mitzvah, Scarlett Avalyn"- 2018

Why limit yourself to weddings, when there are so many life cycle events begging to be celebrated in song? We serenaded Scarlett with a personalized toast at her Bat Mitzvah party. Thanks to Kelly Cameron for finding this video on her phone after I published this digest, so I could re-release a live music version! 

7. "Happy Wedding, Andy and Coleen"- 2020

My cousin Andy tied the knot in a small private ceremony in Napa Valley during the pandemic-soaked summer of 2020. We were driving to visit my parents on the day that this video was "due," so we pulled over into a parking lot off the highway and perched the phone in hatch of Lauren's car to record this.  

8. "It's Your Bar Mitzvah, Malcolm David L." - 2021

Finally, we had Malcolm's Bar Mitzvah (and party) virtually this year, so Lauren and I sang this into camera eye of the computer at which I am now facing. 

So that's all eight versions so far. If anyone has an audio or video clip of the missing ones, please send them my way!

Meanwhile, I'll just keep biding my time until I get invited to a funeral of someone whose name has four or five syllables.

With warmest regards,

Zach

Current Events 1918-2008

Dear Friends,   

The Hard Taco song for April is called "Sloppy." This song will allow you to channel your inner pigeon and bob your head quasi-rhythmically.

I've been spending the weekend with some relatives, so I took the opportunity to outsource this month's Hard Taco Digest to them. Each of them was asked to write a poem about something from the news the year he or she was born. Here are those poems, in reverse chronological order.

2008

by Malcolm London (son)

SpaceX!

SpaceX!

You did it!

Hooray!

You launched Falcon 1 without any delay.

You showed NASA that you can do it yourself

But I hope you find room on your trophy shelf.

2007

by Shaina Wolkenberg (niece)

Walking along the sidewalk

Backwards because the snow

Only made it across one block

Because of the blizzards we all know.

Through Denver and Chicago

Then Kansas gets a blow

From a tornado spinning fastly

2007, here we go. 

2005 Haikus

 by Scarlett London (daughter)

Hurricanes are bad

Katrina was terrible

Lots of people died

Many people fled

They did not want to perish

In the hurricane

It was very sad

Because lots of people died

In the hurricane

Lots of lives were lost

In hurricane Katrina

They were very sad

The hurricane struck

People sprinted for their lives

To escape the storm

It was very sad

When the hurricane happened

Because there was death

Dogs and humans died

In that nasty hurricane

Most everyone's dead

It was very big

It was category five

It was scary, too

Lots of pets perished

The owners were very sad

Then the owners died

Everybody died

In hurricane Katrina

It was quite quite sad

1976

by Lauren London (lead singer)

COD WARS! The conflict scarcely known

Just who could own sweet abalone.

In North Atlantic waters cold,

Did Iceland stalk her coasts, so bold.

But British schooners also claim'd

those famous fisheries untam'd. 

Oh! Fishers brandishing their spears,

Jeering temper'd trawlers' leers.

Thrice the parties met in ire!

With fish a-floppin' to acquire.

Just smell the mighty drying pile

of pescatorial carcass vile.

Thrice did Iceland get its wish

Oh, fate befalling chips and fish!

But peace in '76 returned,

And Celtics each their cod have earned. 

1950

by Nina Schwartz (mother-in-law)

Joseph McCarthy, or "Tail-Gunner Joe"

Demagogue, liar, and everyone's foe

Started the Red Scare by claiming to know

A who's who of commies. It just wasn't so.

He stated the U.S. Department of State

Was harboring pinkos, in fact, quite a spate

Said he had a paper, right there in his hand

And the House forced some good guys to take the stand.

Charlie Chaplin, Helen Keller, Fred Zinnemann, Pete Seeger

All came under their gavel eager

He finally earned censure in 1954

And we thought the the big lie had been killed evermore.

1949

by Bob Schwartz (father-in-law)

78s are breakable

45s are stackable

We make that change

In 1949

Song would have more runtime

But for music, not a fun time

Pop tunes a drag

In 1949

U.S. leaves Korea

Stalin says, "We'll see ya."

The boys come home

In 1949

Mao says, "I rule China."

Gives Chaing Kai Shek a shinah

So he takes Taiwan 

In 1949

Russia tests its big tomato

The U.S.A. and pals form NATO

It's two armed camps

In 1949

Then George Orwell has a vision

Sees the future with precision

Guns kill folks but lies kill even more

His book is his prediction

It isn't only fiction

Suddenly it's 1984.

1948

by Carol Wulfson (aunt-in-law)

The most amazing news

Was the ending of diaspora for all o the Jews

And even though we were celebrating

Different wars were gestating

Why is there never peace?

1948

by Roberta Wine London (mother)

It is post World War Two and and the babies are a boom.

The year is 1948,  and peace can't come too soon.

With the Soviets West Berlin a blockading

And the musical South Pacific Broadwaying

TVs now number over a million sets

Velcro is invented, and 33 rpm records....but not yet cassettes.

Polio is affecting kids more and more

Famous people born thIs year : James Taylor, Andrew Lloyd Weber and Al Gore.

The game of Scrabble is invented by a guy named Brunot

And Porshe is founded...but not Pugeot.

The bikini is finding a body of support hardcore,

And there were earthquakes in Turkmenistan and Ecuador.

The UN is busy with post War insights

Including The World Health Organization and the Declaration of Human Rights.

Soldiers back from the War are making up for lost time

Harry Truman is President during the birth of Roberta Wine.

1918

Thelma Gordon (grandmother-in-law)

Spanish Flu...

I
Hate
You!

With warmest regards,

Zach